YOU ARE MY FAVORITE GIRL

ITS Been NINE incredible months!

so we had fun yesterday.

i'll let the pictures talk.















i know this might not be love.
but i also know that both she and i are happy.
i know we might be selfish
but i was always told to fight for my happiness, for love.
i struggled
i was judged
and only before u, i can stop trying to fulfill the expectations of others
not be judged and just be who i am.

i know this time i might actually be very very happy

100% just for the friends

and we will watch the days pass hand in hand.
fearless of what might end.
close your eyes
we'll count to three
hoping our love can take us way beyond this.

do u think one day our love could take us away together?

and so they all lived happily ever after.... awwww

meet the new hot thang of my own!





and for some reason... the pw is here!





NO! this is a SHE and YES she is my GF and NO she is not older than me:))


somehow i never fail to enjoy myself whenever i am with her.
even cracking the lame jokes crack me up!

marketing kills i swear. gosh...
and the GF is sleeping like a pig. humpf.
haha ohwells...
i love that silly broken GF of mine.
not broken by me
but broken by her work and documents! lol 

and so the dog puked
and now i m left to clean up
and i just realised... my dog is old...
sighs the cycle of life.

i miss the gf

and how do u know that she is the one?


ps. i am ur barista:))

and so she left leaving behind messages of how much she really love me.
and i hope she comes back knowing i am not only loving but missing her too.
it doesn't matter cause i know she will come back home finding everything exactly where it was left.


i keep the light on when i sleep cause i am scared of the dark.

and ps. best can body roll and she shakes butt:))

tonight isn't a sleepless night. its a night filled with reflections. changes i have gone through. from those times of despair to those of laughter and happiness. my life has took to so much changes. one of memories and experiences, periods of love and hatred to love again. sometimes i wonder if life is so much of a vicious cycle then why do we still put ourselves through it. is it due to choice or are we just supposed to go through it each time making us either more cynical or either making us a stronger human being each time.

have i grown? i ask myself tonight. have i amend the mistakes i have made in the past or have i just become someone who has learnt not to regret what i have and have not done. in my course of 18 years so far, i have met people who made me so happy but only to throw me into sadness and disappointment once again. but this time i have met someone who gave me peace. such serenity that i never found myself bathing in it. but sometimes i just wonder if such serenity would leave and will once again grow so angry. this peace, i say, its not the sort of quietness i can find between two people sharing a relationship but its more of an emotion, some sort of a security in this relationship.

sometimes i think to myself, maybe this is the time i have ever seen myself so angry and filled with irrationality. but sometimes i see so much emotions and happiness i can actually share with someone else. two sides so extreme sometimes i wonder if it is me i am talking about.

this time i close my eyes and i see people smiling and maybe this is the time tears fall but these tears no longer fall for the sadness filling everyone but for the experiences and the turmoil gone through to put us where we are today.

i am happy
not for me
but for us.
for everyone around me.
and for this lesson learned, i thank one particular person, constantly patient with my random thoughts and rants,
so filled with compassion for a hopeless person like me. this person not only gave me love or intimate moments.
but this person taught me all about life. spurred me on to think about how i really want to be in future and how i must strive to reach for the best not only for me but for us. and this i say she has made me a less selfish person in every way. baby, this difference in my life came in the most important years of my growing up years and you are my teacher. for this, i love you so much.

its funny isn't it.
whipped cream at the side of our lips.
smiling at one another and the next thing we know people start calling this love.

the screaming voices and the tears flooded scene,
looking at one another burning with fury....
and the next thing we know people start calling that love as well.

what are we?
a perfect equation of two wrong pple put together only to form a perfect match.
in you i've met my match,
met my enemy
and seen my soul mate.
u brought out the worst anyone could ever do.
but one thing,
you've also managed to summon the last bit of courage lingering in my body to take a risk and to put myself into a picture with u for another six months later
for these six months had been the best i could ever imagine.

you fucked my black imagination by adding so much colours to it.
and if i ain't good enough then who is?

did my stupidity betray me once again?
i just want things right.
n this time i m not going to do it for u...
ur gonna have to make it right once again on ur own

i am not ok
and i am filled with annoyance to the brim.
these mood swings.
gosh...
those meds...
making my mood fluctuate more than that of the stock market in nasdaq.
fuck shit fuck.
i hate myself.
so much for a mood uplifter.
more like a mood demoralizer.
FUCK U

18 years had come and gone
For momma they flew by
But for me they dragged on and on
We were loading up that Chevy
Both tryin' not to cry
Momma kept on talking
Putting off good-bye
Then she took my hand and said
"Baby don't forget:

Before you hit the highway
You better stop for gas
There's a 50 in the ashtray
In case you run short on cash
Here's a map and here's a Bible
If you ever lose your way

Just one more thing before you leave
Don't forget to remember me"

This downtown apartment sure makes me miss home
and those bills there on the counter
Keep telling me I'm on my own
And just like every Sunday I called momma up last night
And even when it's not, I tell her everything's all right
Before we hung up I said
"Hey momma, don't forget:

to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell me-maw that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me"

Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while
So I don't know what to say but
Lord, I feel so small sometimes in this big ol' place
Yeah, I know theres more important things, but
Don't forget to remember me
Don't forget to remember me




and for u... i'll always be ur girl.
the one you met on that road out of love.